I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
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What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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