Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
