there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
