I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
