maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
