How'd it feel making her break her religion?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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