I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
