I want to stick my p in your. b.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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