You drinking a lot?
Define a lot
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.