either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations