We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
