Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
did i just pee glitter
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
