A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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