Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
