sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
