i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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