I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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