me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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