I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Randomize
