Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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