I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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