Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
