Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
