He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
