your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
