dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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