chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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