Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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