When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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