I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
