i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
