just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
the condom got lost in my hair
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
