fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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