i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
