you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
