He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
