I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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