Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
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So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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