a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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