CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
