Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
