I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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