dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Randomize
