Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
