You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
