Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
