Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
