So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
