I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
