I want to stick my p in your. b.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
