I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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