..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i dont even know how to be here
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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