i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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