I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
