Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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