1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
