I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
