Small penises have feelings too.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Randomize
