Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
