Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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