I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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