Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
