But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I think i peed on brittanys purse
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
