chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
