Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
