I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
two words...techno handjob
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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