I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
