I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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