if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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