thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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