I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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