how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Less talking, more tequila
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
