Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
