You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
is that a dick in a sweater?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
