She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
