Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
