I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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