I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize