The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
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Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
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So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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