She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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