Your mouth is God's brothel.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
