Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
