im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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