I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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