I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
No more Irish car bombs ever.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
