Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I need to stop coming to work sober
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
