I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
