I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize