atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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