This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
