wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
