it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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