My hand turned me down
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
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