This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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